


the stars i've lost in you

by heronmint



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Falling Out of Love, M/M, NielOng, Ongniel, Really Heavy Angst, can be considered evil, only one of them does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 21:04:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18269321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heronmint/pseuds/heronmint
Summary: day by day, the stars I used to see in your eyes became dimmer and dimmer,and one day, I lost them.





	the stars i've lost in you

**Author's Note:**

> playlist:  
> i don't love you; Urban Zakapa  
> ending scene; IU  
> i hate you; Urban Zakapa
> 
> do give them a listen! all are really beautiful slash heartbreaking songs ;-;

Sundays are usually the days they go for dinner at one of Seongwu’s favourite places. The small, quiet one up the valley, decorated with beautiful lilies and vine trees. The one where Seongwu and Daniel went for their first date. 

Daniel holds his hand, dainty and small against his rough palms, as he pushes the door open. The bells that hung on the glass door rang softly as the younger gestured to let Seongwu enter first. He smiled, the same beautiful bright smile as he takes his invitation and walks in, still gripping onto Daniel. 

Seongwu looks beautiful. He always does. If Daniel could compare his eterteral beauty to anything, he would compare it to the night sky. Not the void that presents itself to civilisation though, but the vast and extensive wonders that littered the sky that seemed endless, the type of night sky you would be drawn to and want to look at forever. His eyes would be the center of that universe. Sparkling, bright and beautiful like he always is. The three moles on the side of his face would be the constellation of stars in that night sky. 

Seongwu was wearing that favourite denim jacket today, the one he said he wanted to save for special occasions and pretty dates. He liked how it hung oversized and little too big for him, and that little rose embroidary on the sleeves of the jacket. It was a nice and interesting change from Seongwu’s usual style of nothing but black shirts and a random pair of jeans or sweatpants, so Daniel always remembered to compliment him on it. Seongwu would always tinge crimson on his cheeks, feeling bashful and unsure of what to say as he grips onto the hems of his oversized jacket. 

Following behind him, Seongwu brings Daniel to their favourite table, the one next to the windows where the peaks of sunlight would be able to come in. Seongwu has always been one to be sensitive to temperature, and with the cafe a little too cool for his liking, sitting by the windows gave him a sense of warmth. Daniel liked it too, he loved looking out at the lush green scenery outside, where birds would also occasionally fly and perch by the shrub bushes. 

It was the same as always, just as he liked it. 

Seongwu’s gentle touch snapped me out of my thoughts, and Daniel quickly whipped my head around. 

“Same old?” 

He asked gently, and Daniel nodded blindly. He knew how Daniel liked it, spaghetti bolognese without the mushrooms, he didn’t like them. Daniel knew what he liked too, it was always the chicken baked rice, but Seongwu didn’t like how it always took so long to get ready. So some days, he would order the carbonara instead, though most of the time the elder would still end up getting the baked rice, stealing some of Daniel’s food as he complained about the slow service, munching on one of his meatballs. 

Seongwu left to the counter to order the food. . 

“Same old,” Daniel muttered, almost inaudible under his breath. 

The cafe was nearly empty today, only one or two other people in the cafe besides us and it was quiet, the soft hum of the radio playing Yellow by Coldplay in the background. It was a beautiful day, no, a perfect day for a date. But if it was, why did it feel so empty to Daniel? 

Daniel smiled softly as Seongwu walked back to our table, the sound of his footsteps on the hard wooden floor like a rhythm he memorised as Seongwu smiled back, and Daniel noticed him quickly stuffing the receipt into his tote bag. 

“You bought those concert tickets for me remember? They were expensive, this is the least I could do,” Seongwu explained, as if already reading his mind, adjusting himself in his seat as he settles his tote bag comfortably on his lap. 

“They were a gift. You didn’t have to, really.” Daniel says, grabbing the flask of water on the table, pouring some water into his boyfriend’s glass, before filling his own. Seongwu mutters a thank you, and he quickly take a sip of water, before setting it on the table. 

Seongwu has always been sweet, tending to Daniel’s every need, and being absolutely considerate towards him. When Daniel was studying for his finals back in university, he knew to give me space, and sometimes Seongwu would drop by his dorm to make him his favourite chocolate chip cookies. It always gave Daniel warmth to know that he was always there for him. 

But if he did, why did it feel so cold? 

Seongwu started to talk about his week, about his new assignment and that one funny incident that happened in the office back on Wednesday. Daniel sat there and listened attentively, smiling softly at whatever he said. Whenever Seongwu talked about something he thought was funny, the sides of his lips would perk up, and he would have to pierce his lips in order to prevent himself from laughing before he even finished telling the story. 

Daniel chuckled, watching him laugh melodiously as he took a sip of my glass of water. 

Daniel thinks he knows. 

The over exaggerated laugh, the way he places your hand on mine more times than he could count. He wishes Seongwu didn’t know sometimes, it would have lifted him from the guilt, because the way he looked at Daniel showed him that he meant the world to Seongwu. How his eyes light up when they meet, and when Daniel could feel his smile burning through him, even when Daniel wasn’t looking him. 

“One spaghetti bolognese and one carboranara.” 

The waiter breaks their conversation as he holds up our plates of food in front of them. Seongwu quickly moves their glasses away from the table, giving space for the waiter as he puts down their plates of pasta in front of them. So today he must be impatient, Daniel thought. 

Picking up the cutlery on the table, Daniel quickly twists the fork in his pasta, digging into his food as he take a big bite of spaghetti. Seongwu probably would be doing the same, Daniel thinks, since he was probably hungry and too impatient. 

Daniel looks out to affirm his thoughts, but today, he was wrong. Instead, he come face to face with Seongwu. While Daniel’s mouth was full of spaghetti with some of the sauce probably getting on his lips, Seongwu hasn’t even touched his cutlery, sitting with his hands against the tote bag on his lag, as he looks at Daniel almost longingly. His eyes were glistening with emotion Daniel wouldn’t be able to understand, and he could feel the drop in atmosphere in what was about to come. 

“You don’t love me,” Seongwu says. 

Daniel drops his cutlery

Picking up a serviette, Daniel sits up straighter, wiping his mouth as he quickly swallows the dry spaghetti down his throat, the strain in his throat being the least of his thoughts. Daniel tries to search for reasons and excuses to counter Seongwu’s words, trying to string words to give him the affirmation that he needs, trying to grasp if there were any scenarios in which he could keep Seongwu happy. But all that came to Daniel was a blank page. His mind was blank, and Daniel took another gulp, this time nothing but saliva. 

Seongwu took the silence as his affirmation. 

“Why?” 

From the corner of my eye, I see you gripping the hems of your denim jacket. If it were a parallel universe, maybe Daniel would have grabbed his hand to ease the tension, to ease his pain. Hold you and tell him it is okay. It has and always will be okay, but in this reality, Daniel knew it wasn’t.

Seongwu always trusted Daniel, and vice versa. He always knew how to give Daniel privacy when he needed it, and he was never jealous. Seongwu was always his constant, and he knew how to be there for me when Daniel needed it. It would be a lie to say that Daniel never loved Seongwu, but it would a lie to say that he still did. But his words continued to sting in his mind. But why? 

There was no other reason. 

“I don’t love you.” 

Seongwu looked at him like his world collapsed in front of him, as Daniel saw the pain trapped in his eyes escape, like a burst water pipe, the glistening tears falling. But even when Seongwu was shedding tears, Daniel’s heart didn’t ache anymore. He looked for a sign to feel something. To feel like he had to say sorry, to feel the need to ask for his forgiveness. But his heart didn’t feel anything, and that was that. 

“What is it about me that wasn’t the same? I can change. If I wasn’t good enough, I can change.” Seongwu desperately says, voice cracking in desperation. 

Daniel looks into his eyes, and he sees nothing but his brown orbs. If he had known that one day, he would have lost the way he would have looked at Seongwu like he had the stars in his eyes, he would have done something about it. 

Both Daniel and Seongwu knew it had been a while, their relationship barely hanging by the thread. Seongwu noticed their distance, how Daniel’s thoughts constantly wandered elsewhere. But he still held onto him like the only thing keeping him together before his dams burst, and Daniel stayed. Maybe as an oath to the relationship they had before, or not wanting to be the reason Daniel destroyed the boy he used to love. But Daniel should have known that had happened the moment he wasn’t able to say ‘I love you’ without feeling like his tongue had been eaten up. 

Because now, Daniel felt heartless. It hurt how little he felt. 

“There really is no reason. You’re still the same boy I fell in love with when I was eighteen,” Daniel manages to say, not knowing where to look, at the ground, or the swollen eyed boy sitting in front of him. 

“But you’re just not the boy I’m in love with anymore.” 

Daniel was calm, almost too calm, and he notices Daniel gripping onto the hem of his denim jacket even more tightly than before, like he hates him for not being as angry, frustrated and sad as he is. 

“Who’s the other guy?” 

Seongwu asks, barely a whisper. 

“There is no other guy,” Daniel replies truthfully. 

Daniel has always known for breakups to be selfish, but knowing for it to be this selfish was something else. Seongwu’s heart was ripped out, raw for him to see, how he pained, how his entire world was falling apart right in front of his eyes. Meanwhile, Daniel saw nothing else but the light behind the tunnel. This really was the end. Now like a train speeding past him, the memories of what they were flashed right in front of their eyes. 

When they first met during summer break as waiters in a crusty run-down restaurant not far from the Burger King where they would go out together to during lunch break, mocking the horrible customers they had in the restaurant. 

After Seongwu entered university, Daniel would sneak into the university library where they would study together, though Daniel spent most of the time fast asleep. Soon Daniel would enter the same university as him, and instead of sneaking with Seongwu into the library, this time, Daniel managed to get in very legally, but he still spent most of the time fast asleep. 

They would take turns coming into each other’s dorms, watching reruns of Asia’s Next Top Model together, and Seongwu and Daniel would make mock fashion shows, taking turns, wearing the most outrageous clothings they could find in each other’s closets. 

Daniel remembers exchanging stupid corny love letters with Seongwu, because when you were young and in love, anything was possible. He spent the happiest years of his life together with Seongwu. Growing up together, learning from each other and making new discoveries with each other. 

Maybe it was after they graduated and went into their separate jobs, when both of them got busier and busier, and Daniel submerged myself in his work. But while Daniel stuck his nose into his papers, Seongwu still looked at him the same way he did when they went out to that Burger King on a 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon. 

Seongwu taught Daniel what love felt like, but Daniel only taught Seongwu how heartbreak felt like. 

Daniel stood up from his seat. Seongwu’s puffy red eyes look up at him, the eyes that used to hold the stars Daniel saw in him, still holding on to the glimmer of hope despite already knowing he wouldn’t be able to provide him the solace you look for. 

“Thank you, you made me happy in these numbered days.” Daniel says. 

From the corner of Daniel’s eye, he see Seongwu’s hand stretch out, perhaps still hoping to find a way to make his stay. But he slowly puts it down. He know that this was inevitable, and that it was finally time to let him go. Seongwu looks at Daniel and smile, the most painful and broken smile he has ever seen in his entire life, and he nods. 

Daniel walks out.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! do leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed :) it would mean the world! 
> 
>  
> 
> you can find me on twitter @peachyminty


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